Ever had the feeling that your life has been put on hold?
The feeling that you are stuck in time and no one or nothing can free you.
You try to move forward in someway, but for somehow...
an invisible wall is blocking you.
I hate it. I hate the feeling of no progression, no way of knowing an end to something or knowing if you have even started at all. I hate not understanding why things do not come as easy as they did before. I hate not knowing what my mind really wants me to do, think or say. I hate the feeling that no one understands or realizing that I may not even understand myself. I hate it all.
I wish I could take my life off hold, but for some reason I can't. It mentally, physically and emotionally will not let me. It has a mind of its own and I cannot force it to do anything. I rather have a broken leg, bruised arms, or maybe even a broken heart. You can at least measure your pain and know what is wrong and how long it may take for you to heal. But with a severe concussion, there is no measurement. With a concussion, you have no control. Your mind has a mind of its own. It has by far been one of the worst feelings I have ever felt.
If today I received one wish:
I'd wish my mind would break free from itself.
Break free and swing away from its trauma, its pain, its confusion
and get back to reality and get back to normal.
If today I received one wish:
I'd wish my mind would break free from itself.
Break free and swing away from its trauma, its pain, its confusion
and get back to reality and get back to normal.
But in the meantime, for now, I have to wait. Wait for however many days, weeks or maybe a month until it heals. Wait until my mind can find itself again. Wait for things to finally work as they did before.
Wait until this hold is over.
Wait until this hold is over.
You're right, I don't know how it is at all. none of us do, because we haven't gone through it or even things close to it. And often cause of that, I think people are scared to say anything, they don't know what to say, or how to approach you, or to tell you theyre thinking of you. Just know that you're in my prayers, along with so many other peoples.. You're gonna get through it, don't give up your hope and faith, I know you can do this. Yeah it's gonna suck, and you're going to have days when you just break down, and cry, and feel devistated and confused; because it's NOT FAIR. It's not fair that this happened to you, and your friends were fine, and that suddenly, when you used to be able to do everything on your own, and do whatever you pleased; you're stuck in bed, and at home, trying to get rid of terrible headaches, pains, and negative thoughts. But you know what Alicia, you're alive, because THATS what God has planned for you; you're getting stronger, you're healing, you're still BREATHING, all for a reason. You're being taught patience, and you have so much more compassion for other people who are suffering in ways similar to you.
ReplyDeleteBefore things like this happen, we go on, in our day to day lives, taking everything for granted. Now, you're grateful for the smallest things, so much more grateful for your family, and for your friends like Casey, Stefani, Jentry, Bruce and all the people who were there for you, or involved with the accident.
I know waiting is hard, but it's what your body needs right now, just time and rest. Like when you go for a super hard hike, or a long run, and after your body really just needs some calories and a cool down, to recover. Your head had something super traumatic happen, and by takin a break, it's trying to, in a sense, get back its calories and move on. Keep your chin up and keep trying to be patient.
I can't even imagine what you're going through but I love you, and the beautiful soul that you posess.