almost love bound

My Sunday night consisted of a "cheesy" dinner... literally. 

Melted cheese sandwiches 

Homemade Macoroni and Cheese

Cheese bread

It was a heart-attack waiting to happen but was it delicious? Most definitely. 

And four days later, I am still trying to recover from the pounds of cheese I consumed that night that I may never repeat ( at least for this week ). But despite my cheese epidemic, there is one thing that I will take into memory; and that is, sitting on a dirty kitchen floor talking for hours while getting an amazing massage. Seems a little weird, right. Let me explain. 

Every Sunday, I go to this "family dinner" that my friends set up and the host of the event is one of those individuals that can get along with pretty much anybody, and to top it off, he can read people like a book. The second I walked in for dinner, he asked me what was up. He could tell something was on my mind so he forced me to sit down on the kitchen floor and talk to him until he could figure me out. I am one who loves to talk, but I love to talk

 about anything other than myself. 

He made me realize I am completely and utterly fearful of love. And not specifically the mushy boy-girl love. I am talking about all kinds of love. Security, friendship, romantic and unconditional love. I realized I need to place myself in a state of vulnerability. A vulnerability to love. I need to let myself grow on others and  let them grow on me. Take in what they can give to me and give the same type of love and respect back. I hide behind closed doors and turn my head to those who are the closest, all because of fear. And to fear love is to fear life. But the only way to get rid of fear is to love, right? So I am starting an early new year's resolution to
 become more susceptible to love.