am i saying this out loud...

A few days ago, I was invited to go rock climbing up the scenic rock architectures in Rock Canyon.

 One of the climbers right before he climbed leaned over and told me how he is afraid of heights.

 Surprised I asked, "How do you go rock climbing if you're afraid of heights...." He laughed and He said, "I honestly don't know, I just got for it." Then, he stood up, faced the wall and said, "Climb on!" 

For the next hour / hour and a half, I watched him as he ascended this 300 ft climb. Slowly, I watched him as he inched up to one spot, stopped for a few minutes and ascended another few feet to stop again. He repeated these same steps all the way to the top. As he reached the ground, He was so grateful to be on solid ground, alive. But at the same time you could see the sense of accomplishment and what seemed to be as joy on his face. 

As he saw me laugh at his dramatic reponse of landing on the stony ground, he then asked. "What's your fear?" 

At first I hesitated and responded, "Sharks." But as I have had a few days to really think about his question and what
I am afraid of, I realized that I am afraid of myself. 

Now you're probably wondering how in the world am I afraid of myself.  Well let me explain.... 

As long as I can remember, I have always looked up to others. Whether it be a teacher from school, a friend in the neighborhood, a celebrity figure, religious figure or etc... I have always looked for someone to inspire me. Well, as I was searching for those who inspire me, the more I learned about them and how the can inspire the world, I forgot the capability 

I have to inspire people through my time and talents. I got too busy to search and find others, that I forgot to search 

and find myself, and overtime, forgot who I am. And not knowing who I am stired up fear and leaned me towards 

following more figures in my life to help me figure it all out. 

But the opposite of fear is love, and from what I thought was the right path to find myself, wasn't entirely correct and wasn't out of love, but out of fear in not knowing. I realized that I was so afraid in who I wasn't instead of loving who I am right now. We are always striving to become someone and become better than the day before, but if we are doing it out of fear, it gets us nowhere. I've learned a great deal to consciously look for things to love about yourself every day and thank yourself or God for them.  You are made to be you for an exact reason, and if we learn to love ourselves for who we truly are, we become invincible and we can ascend to new heights we never imagined possible. 

Just as my friend, when we face those internal walls we battle each and every day with confidence litle by little, we will be successful at the end of the day. So there you have it, you have the inside scoop to my greatest fear that with hardwork, faith and confidence, will turn into a something that I will forever love and will change my life. 

Welp, here I go...... *big gulps*