the word

One word has been weighing heavily on my mind the past couple of days.

Actually scratch that, it has been weighing heavily 

on my mind my entire life and that word is...

F E A R

Throughout my lifetime I will always hear someone quote phrases of fear whether it be in a book I am reading, in a movie, or at church like, "The key of change is letting go the fear" or "Do what you are afraid to do." My entire life I have struggled with this word and the despair, loneliness and negativity that comes with it. Everyday a new fear comes into my mind and it blocks my ability to really be me. It frustrates me and I wish it was easy to change the way I think or how I act but in due time, I am stuck in the same state I was ever since I can remember.

I have several excuses and reasons why fear is a major part of who I am from what I have experienced in my lifetime. Sometimes I wish why things happened to me or why I have to have this feeling of fear brought upon me from the past. I wish it was that easy to change and switch your state of mind as easy as it is to switch a light switch, but that isn't the case. I let fear get the best of my personality, my education, my health, my values and my success. I am not telling you this to make you feel bad or sorry for me or am seeking desperate measures of help, but I am writing this for me and telling myself that I can fight off the fear and learn from it if I can move past it. Move past that fear of pain, fear of growing up, fear of becoming independent, fear of becoming who I want to be, fear of finding a job, fear or standing up for myself, fear of love, fear of disappointing my family and fear of letting my guard down and disappointing God. 

In retrospective, I am going to make a conscious effort everyday by telling myself to not be afraid and to go out and be fearless, accept the love I feel from those surrounding me and love them back with every emotion inside of me. I can't let fear take over my mentality and emotions because our entire lives we have to learn the lesson of letting go that fear so we can make that change (with whatever it may be). As for me, I need the self-confidence and security to let myself rise above my  desperations and learn from them than rather tear me apart. 

One quote that has always stuck out to me 

and is in one of my favorite movies Coach Carter says:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

All we can do is be the very best we can be.

 To step up and become that light and build up yourself and others around you.