and even when...

Sometimes, you need a reminder that listening to your own advice.

I woke up in a not so great of mood.

Must have had a nightmare or something because I just felt nothing. 

It was the weirdest feeling I have ever felt. 

So what did I do? I decided to read my scriptures to get this feeling out of me.

..... it helped a little.... but I needed something more. 

Then, my friend reminded me of something I said to him a while back and then, I realized what I needed to do. 

So I ventured off into the wilderness 

(okay, more like the canyon that's 5 minutes down the road)  and took a drive. 

A long, beautiful, scenic drive with all the windows rolled down, no music playing

... just silence. The silence of  beauty nature. 

I then took a deep breathe and realized everything was going to be okay, just a bumpy start is all. I popped open my journal and came across this page that said this: 

Laugh, even when you feel too sick or too worn out or tired.

Smile, even when you're trying not to cry and the tears are blurring your vision.

Sing, even when people stare at you and tell you your voice is crappy.

Trust, even when your heart begs you not to.

Twirl, even when your mind makes no sense of what you see.

Frolick, even when you are made fun of. 

Kiss, even when others are watching.

Sleep, even when you're afraid of what the dreams might bring.

Run, even when it feels like you can't run any more.

And, always, remember, when the memories pinch your heart. Because the pain of your experience is what makes you the person you are now. And without your experience---you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric. What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high for the next day. So don't live life in fear. Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, you are stronger than you ever were back before it started. 

be the dreamer, the believer

Hey guys it's me, I'm sorry for my absence and lack of blogging (once again). I've caught a bad case of "the dreamer." Oh, you don't know what the dreamer is? It's just a little something I made up from my bad case of wanderlust, my urge to travel, explore and learn every little thing I yet haven't figured out.
I've literally spent hundreds of dollars just on gas money this past month traveling all over Utah. This past month, I have gained friendships that'll last a lifetime, greater trust, explored new territories and have made more change in the last 4 weeks then I have ever made in my entire life.

I keep getting the same question every single day,
"How do you have so much time for it all?"

You wanna know my secret?
                            You make time (it's that simple).

You do what is important first, take care of the business and with any free time during your day, just play.... literally. For me, my playground is the world around me. Not the kind of world that is filled with noise, people, buildings, and words.... the type of world that is filled with the purest form of beauty. Where its noise is music to your ears, its homes are made from its natural state and there are no words to be needed.

I used to not be like this. I guess overtime, I realized what exactly made me feel free. What made me alive. And if it wasn't for the guts to make the change, I may have never found my little piece of heaven. I guess what I am trying to explain to you, is that when we make a change, it's so easy to interpret our unsettlednes as unhappiness, and our unhappiness as a result of having made the wrong decision. But in reality, if those same thoughts keep running in your mind or you get those sudden urges, don't you ever ignore them. A life cannot be lived without its heart beat. A heartbeat that goes up and down since day one. If we are unsettled, it does not mean we are unhappy, doing the wrong things or are not worth anything and if we are settled, it does not mean that we have nothing more that we can do.

Life gives us opportunities, trials, facts, experiences, and lessons everyday of our lives and as long as we live, we will continue to have that heartbeat. So bask in those settle and unsettle moments and if you need realize you need to make some changes to get to your "unsettleness" then take that next step. Be the dreamer, the believer.

a little bit of humble pie

For the past three months, I have come to be very humble for what is in my life and for what reasons.

I don't know if many of you who are reading this has been away from home for quite sometime, has moved to a place that put you outside your comfort zone, served a church service mission, been away for military purposes and etc... but there's something about being away from "home" that stretches you, pulls you and places you outside of your element. But what surprised me as well was that coming "home" did the same. 

As I have been away from home, a lot has happened physically, emotionally and spiritually with me, my family and those I love. I have changed and so have they. But from what I have learned, at least for me, I have been humble through my circumstances because I wasn't willing to change them, if that makes any sense? 

Before I moved back home, I had a specific plan laid out for me --- I was going to get back into shape, start to do my own personal training at a crossfit gym, go back to school, get a job, save money and get married to my boyfriend. But within days of returning, I quickly realized how my plans weren't as perfect as I thought. In fact, all my plans didn't go according 

to what I had planned and took a complete 180. It truly put me in a humble place where I had to reach within and feel and see what God wanted me to be instead of me for myself. 

I have learned that everyday stretches us out of our limits and comfort zone, but that's exactly what needs to be done. It is always great to have a plan, but to not be upset or frustrated when it doesn't go perfectly. I've learned to take each day one step at a time and love every minute to every second. It has helped me see new places I have never been, meet people that have helped shaped me to become better and it has opened up my heart to receive and give more love. I think sometimes we get too caught up in a perfect plan for our lives when we need to stop and bask in the blessings and the beauty of now. 

Yes, things may happen, people will come and go, injuries, health and catastrophes may occur, 

but if we truly humble ourselves in the situations that have been given to us, 

we will see them as a blessing and realize that we have everything instead of nothing. 

So what I am trying to say is....

Don't be comfortable in sitting in your nest, have the strength to spread your wings and soar into life day by day. 

am i saying this out loud...

A few days ago, I was invited to go rock climbing up the scenic rock architectures in Rock Canyon.

 One of the climbers right before he climbed leaned over and told me how he is afraid of heights.

 Surprised I asked, "How do you go rock climbing if you're afraid of heights...." He laughed and He said, "I honestly don't know, I just got for it." Then, he stood up, faced the wall and said, "Climb on!" 

For the next hour / hour and a half, I watched him as he ascended this 300 ft climb. Slowly, I watched him as he inched up to one spot, stopped for a few minutes and ascended another few feet to stop again. He repeated these same steps all the way to the top. As he reached the ground, He was so grateful to be on solid ground, alive. But at the same time you could see the sense of accomplishment and what seemed to be as joy on his face. 

As he saw me laugh at his dramatic reponse of landing on the stony ground, he then asked. "What's your fear?" 

At first I hesitated and responded, "Sharks." But as I have had a few days to really think about his question and what
I am afraid of, I realized that I am afraid of myself. 

Now you're probably wondering how in the world am I afraid of myself.  Well let me explain.... 

As long as I can remember, I have always looked up to others. Whether it be a teacher from school, a friend in the neighborhood, a celebrity figure, religious figure or etc... I have always looked for someone to inspire me. Well, as I was searching for those who inspire me, the more I learned about them and how the can inspire the world, I forgot the capability 

I have to inspire people through my time and talents. I got too busy to search and find others, that I forgot to search 

and find myself, and overtime, forgot who I am. And not knowing who I am stired up fear and leaned me towards 

following more figures in my life to help me figure it all out. 

But the opposite of fear is love, and from what I thought was the right path to find myself, wasn't entirely correct and wasn't out of love, but out of fear in not knowing. I realized that I was so afraid in who I wasn't instead of loving who I am right now. We are always striving to become someone and become better than the day before, but if we are doing it out of fear, it gets us nowhere. I've learned a great deal to consciously look for things to love about yourself every day and thank yourself or God for them.  You are made to be you for an exact reason, and if we learn to love ourselves for who we truly are, we become invincible and we can ascend to new heights we never imagined possible. 

Just as my friend, when we face those internal walls we battle each and every day with confidence litle by little, we will be successful at the end of the day. So there you have it, you have the inside scoop to my greatest fear that with hardwork, faith and confidence, will turn into a something that I will forever love and will change my life. 

Welp, here I go...... *big gulps*

kingdom hearts

When a woman has a kingdom heart, 

she has an active understanding of what matters most to the heart of God. 

She lives in the balance of passion and contentment. 

She learns to love well,

give without regard to self,

and forgive without hesitation.

The woman with a kingdom heart may have a duffel bag full of possesions

 or enough to fill a mansion, but she has learned to hold them with an open hand. 

Hold everything with open hands.

I don't think we are ever allowed to grab hold of anything or anyone

as though they matter more than the kingdom of Heaven. 

When you hold relationships with open hands, 

then people come in and out of your life as gifts of grace to be cherished and enjoyed,

not objects to be owned and manipulated. 

And then when you hold your dreams with open hands,

you get to watch God resurrect what seemed dead and multiply what seemed small.  

A year ago today, I found out my grandpa had passed away. I was serving a church-service mission in New York for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My grandpa has always been a protecter, a provider and the most stubborn person whose heart is made of gold. But even thought he is not here physically, he continues to provide and protect and I will be forever grateful for his love. He has taught me how to work hard, go for my dreams and always live life with open arms to love and receive love. Thanks for breaking down my barriers grandpa, and for reminding me of that today. 

give it time

I have been doing a lot of thinking.

a lot of writing......................and some more thinking..... 

Some people believe that you can overthink almost any situation, 

but I believe there is not enough time in the world for all our thoughts. 

<<<< Today mum asked me, what's been on the mind  >>>> 

Instead of overwhelming her right there on the spot, I decided to overwhelm social media and those who stalk the blog. So you're welcome.... I think?

                                             

Lately, I have been really learning the gift of patience and time.

It has literally been months since I have been waiting for certain things to happen, and it is almost frustrating to the point of giving up. But I have to step back and realize that there are many things in life that I have the tendency to rush and want it all right then and there when, in reality, they may mean more if I just sacrifice the time. 

I guess part of my impatience relies on seeing parts of the picture. Sometimes, mine and God's timeline doesn't match up, but I have to remember that in the long-run, there will always be a balance.

"Patience means staying with something until the end. It means delaying immediate gratification for future blessings. 

It means reining in anger and holding back the unkind word. It means resisting evil, even when it appears to be making others rich. Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace and faith. It means being willing to submit 

to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon us. Ultimately, patience means being firm and steadfast, and immovable in keeping the commandments of the Lord every hour of every day, even when it is hard to do so. Patience means to abide in faith, knowing that sometimes it is in the waiting rather than in the receiving that we grow the most. It is true in our time as well, for we are commanded in these latter days to continue in patience until ye are perfected."

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

To sum up all the ish in my mind >>> the key to a better and brighter day... 

...is the patience to go through the long winter inbetween. 

in that mind of yours

Dear Beautiful You ...

This is your life, your very own life. 

Get to know your soul, dance your dance and sing your song.

Take charge of your story and love your day.

Let your heavy stuff go and embrace your blessings.

Kiss your beloveds and thank your everything.

See your place and stand in your power.

Forgive your enemies so you can drain your secrets of their poison.

Heal your pain, find your tribe, rest your body and share your talents.

It's important that you practice your passions while finding your bliss.

Because the best years of your life will happen 

as soon as you open your hands to your happiness. 

Live your life. 

Love your life. 

I have a strong belief that the mind can overpower any weakness physically 

or spiritually. That if you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.

The power and connection between mind and body is truly fascinating 

if you dig in yourself and research its capability. Doctors, friends and family 

may tell you no, you can't, you're uncapable, or that you have limits. But I guess this is where I come in and do the opposite by not listening. But I think for the most part, this is a great time of where not listening, may be the best answer, the best medicine and will you to where you can see your limits. If you let their words overpower your mind, then you let them run your life when you are the one who is supposed to know your life. I mean, you are the one who has been in this mind and body since day one, right? It only makes sense that you know what is best and what your limits are. 

Block out the noise and let yourself run free. 

It's amazing how much I have learned of myself, my capabilities 

and the power between mind and body while doing so. 

fight the plague

Somedays, it's okay to just cry. Let yourself feel all the emotions that have been bottled up inside of you. This life isn't meant to be easy, we knew that. We accepted and agreed to this life before we came. We knew exactly what we would go through, the feelings and emotions we would feel, the amount of time that is needed to overcome trials, and the tremendous strength we needed to obtain. Somedays,  you just need to let go of all your problems. Let go and put our problems in God's hands, 

so that he can put peace in our hearts. 

Reading, is one of the greatest gains we can receive to obtain knowledge of the World we live in and to understand more of ourselves. This morning, I was reading a passage that said:

Life carries a lot of weight. And sometimes, we get too caught up in those of the World and not what we can do for the World. Each and every one of us are full of great worth, strength, voice, power and love that was a gift. 

A series of gifts given from the most powerful being to us. 

Letting go, and letting God open the doors for us is one of the greatest blessings He can give us. He's been there waiting outside our bedroom door since day one, all we have to do is let him in. Let God love our total and complete selves. 

To have incredible faith in Him. To have indredible faith in ourselves. 

This World focuses too much on competition. That you are not smart enough, pretty enough, and loveable enough.
But I'm here to tell you how wrong the World is. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I think everyday, we [especially girls] need to do two things: 

ONE >> Let God love you

         TWO >> Tell yourself everyday, that you are enough.